Supplemental Mentality

You might be wondering “What the heck is Supplemental Mentality supposed to mean?” Let me explain what I mean by Supplemental Mentality by defining the terms that make up the title. First, supplemental is essentially the adjective form of supplement, which is defined as something that is added to another thing to complete it. Mentality […]

Seclusion.

I hear everything.

Paranoia builds with sound. Self conscious thoughts magnify, burning ears and spitting tongues.

Venom spits out of your lips, venom seeps out of mine. Poisonous words become our symphony.

I deserve it all.

I fear for my reputation with good reason, my ears burn.

I know what they don’t, my seclusion brings my self-examination.

Keep me from my own head, though maybe, isolation isn’t so bad.

Keep me from myself.

Keep me from my isolation.

Seclusion haunts me, it taunts with self-loathing.

I’m afraid of myself, but to my surprise, you’re not.

The Graduation Moment.

I’m graduating.

In a single day I’ll be standing on a stage with a over sized gown and a square graduation cap on my head. Last night I gave a speech in which I intended leaving something of myself and the things I’ve learned to the rest of the world. It feels sort of like my entire of life is changing. I never quite realized how intense the emotion was of graduation. Until you get there, I don’t think you can truly understand it. It’s commonly called the end of one chapter of your life. That’s sort of what it feels like, but that phrase simply doesn’t convey the exact feeling. I don’t think words at all can quite convey the emotion and meaning I want to convey, but I’m going to try.

Graduation isn’t just starting a new chapter of your life. It’s more like ending one book in a series. But there’s a sequel, and you’re not sure if it’s going to ruin the story, or be ten times better. You might still be able to look back through the old book, but you can’t just flip through the pages to the last chapter and read everything again. You’ll never relive those moments. The laughter, the tears, the fits of rage, the arguments, the love, the fear, the anxiety, the growth and change and new things. It’s all been done now. All the people you loved so much, they’re there, but it’ll never be quite the same. The summer road trips and adventures, what you did with your free time. It’ll all change. The amount of fear, anxiety, anticipation, excitement, seclusion, joy, and contemplation that I’ve put myself through this past week is beyond words. It seems as though I’m relishing in the last couple pages of this book, so that way I’ll be sure that I got as much as I possibly could before moving onto the next book.

But I’ve already seen the cover and title of the next book, and even sneaked a small peak at a page, and I can’t help but want to rush into this new book as fast as I can, because something inside me is telling me that it’s going to be incredible. I want it to be incredible so desperately. So I’ve been sitting by myself in my own thoughts for a week or two. I’m not entirely sure why. Whether it’s because I’m mentally and emotionally preparing myself for what’s about to happen tomorrow, or if it’s because I don’t want it to happen at all. I seriously have no idea how I’m currently sitting here, typing all this. The countless number of events, words, and people that have brought me to where I am, giving me such encouragement and possibilities that I can’t help but remain speechless that I’m alive. I tend to notice the little things people do for me, and though I don’t always say anything about it, when I contemplate what I’ve done, I’m always able to remember the dozens of people that worked together or separately to get me to that moment. When I contemplate simply my age and graduation, that number of people just grows and grows, and I can’t possibly ever find a way to thank them all. I’ll certainly try to personally talk to as many of them as I can. In the meantime, I’ve been thinking about how in the world I became who I am.

I received a message from an old, online, sort of pen-pal of mine. I’ve always loved other cultures, and getting to talk with this person about their’s and their life was always loads of fun and I really got to know them quite a bit. The last message I got from them before this message was in 2013. After the torrential influx of memories that came when I read their message, I started to think back at who I used to be. I went back and read some of my messages, and things I used to do and talk about. The way I said things, the things I thought that were important, the ideas I had. The way I said things was a particular difference that I thought interesting, as it emphasized the different kind of person I am today compared to who I used to be. There’s already at least one blog post of mine that I’ve changed my perspective on some. I’m leaving it there however, because I want to be able to remember where I used to be, and where I am now. I want to be able to look back at the thoughts I used to have, and be able to see just how far I’ve come. There’s a certain special power in writings that capture the author in a way not much else can. Pictures see the physical differences, but the way we write and what we write about captures our mental differences. The different things that have affected us in so many ways are captured in our writing. I can tell small details in who I was back two years ago from some of those writings. Historic documents do this as well on a wider scale. We get a small picture of the way people in that culture thought, though one book only constitutes a single person, if you combine hundreds or thousands of books, you can start to build a bigger picture. Anyways, I digress. All this is to say, I’m glad I’m keeping a blog, if for no other reason than for my own benefit. As I keep growing and changing, I’ll be able to look back at who I was and learn from it. There’s always the possibility I’ll be able to bring back a perspective I used to have that I’ve lost.

I think this year and the events that are about to unfold are the most frightening of all. I’m leaving for University. I’ll be living on my own, (well, with a roommate, but you know what I mean.) and I’ll be living in a city I’ve only visited occasionally. I’ll be surrounded by people I’ve never met before in my life, and taking classes that I have no idea what to expect from. I’ll be essentially living an entirely new life as an adult. So, I guess I’m writing this as a sort of conclusion to this book. I’ll still have all summer, but it won’t be at school, and I’ll be plenty busy during all of summer. So basically, these past years have been amazing, life changing, and at times brutal. But here I am, I made it. So thank you everyone in my life who helped in the smallest way, or just tolerated my existence. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life.

 

In complete unbelief,

Josiah Serravalle.

A Dimensional Dilemma

A world spins, a gyroscope that needs re-calibration
It’s not drunk, it’s terrified. An escape is a fantasy.
A dimension dilemma deals with me. Nausea fills my dizzy, confused mind.
I’m left reeling, a dimensional dilemma is my trap, my bane.
The empty air fills my lungs as my heart pounds.
I see darkness, the world engulfs me.
I see stars, the world becomes beneath me.
I drift between reality as I’m crushed in my mind.
I can’t help but want to die.
Then I open my eyes

Our Struggle with Being Complacent.

I’ve had a lot on my mind, but for once I seem to lack the words that are required to get my ideas across appropriately and effectively. My life has quickly become a mess of rehearsals, classes, extracurricular activities, and social gatherings. I find myself restless when I’m home, and stressed when I’m rehearsing. I’ve gone from wishing for things to do, to constantly hoping that I’ll be able to fit some free time in. Yet, as soon as I get time to relax for once, I find myself restless. I should be doing something. All this has made me realize that time is something I’m obsessed about. There’s something about it that captures my mind and draws me in. When I try to think of things that leave an impression on me, time constantly comes to mind. I suppose it’s natural. Time wrecks us all.

Time is funny though. It’s something that we have no concept of being without. Life without time is something we can’t process, yet we often wish that we had more of it. It’s tricky, it eludes us. When we’re busy with things we have committed to do, we find ourselves wanting to have more time relaxing by doing things we fully enjoy that require no responsibility. Yet, as I’ve learned, when we finally get an opportunity to relax, we often find ourselves restless. Like we could be doing something productive, or do something more. It’s a weird phenomenon where we want time, but we also don’t. There’s a certain balance that we simply can’t seem to find.

I’ve talked plenty about how I often get restless, in my Spirit of Freedom post. The more time I lose, the more restless I get with the time I have. I don’t fully understand it. Something about myself gets accustomed to the idea of constantly doing something, or moving, or being somewhere that I either feel uncomfortable at or where there’s simply different people there. While I both hate and love the restlessness, I found that it wears down on me on a physical level. As an introvert, I don’t find energy from people. I recharge alone with my thoughts. When I get to this level of restlessness, I lose the time I originally get to recharge. I didn’t even think about this until recently, when, after an especially long day at rehearsals where I constantly was surrounded by people, I found myself beyond the point of exhaustion. I slept through school the next day from sheer exhaustion. I had kept myself from recharging for so long from people, that it physically had a negative effect on me. Yet, even after that, the whole time I was home, I felt restless, like I should be at school. I’m reminded of a squirrel. For example, suppose a grown squirrel falls from a tree and breaks its leg. If left there, it’s left for dead. Fortunately, there’s a family living nearby who decides to pick up the squirrel against its will and nurture it back to health. The entire time it’s being healed, the squirrel constantly seeks to be back outside, even if it would damage and possibly kill the squirrel. Despite the fact that it’s being healed inside, its still restless to be back outside.

At the same time, if a squirrel is kept inside long enough, it grows accustomed to the lack of things to do. It becomes tame. It no longer feels the need to accomplish things outside. It becomes content. I suppose that’s where I was over the summer and the first semester. I grew accustomed and became satisfied with not accomplishing things. This becomes extremely dangerous, as if you don’t feel restless to do things, then how can you be productive, efficient, or even impact the world or people. But as soon as I got that taste of the wind and rain of the nature, I couldn’t stop seeking it. When I get exhausted, I simply needed restoration to go back out into the world. It only gets dangerous when I fall into the trap of being complacent.

There’s a difference to being unhealthily complacent, and healthily content. The word can be used in both circumstances, but one is negative and the other positive. Being content with your possessions and your life is one thing entirely different from being complacent with what you’ve done and where you are. Being content has to do with being satisfied with the things you have, but that doesn’t mean you become lazy and refuse to improve either yourself or the people you’re around.  To be content is a good thing, as it means that if you were to die in that instance, you would be happy. You could survive and find joy in where you currently are. You don’t require more things or more possessions or better, insert-whatever-you-may-want-here.However, that doesn’t mean you don’t try to keep being productive or just do things to barely pass by. You still do things with excellence, and you still pour into people’s lives. You step out of your comfort zone when you need to, because it makes you keep growing in your life. This is so important. You’re not self observed in your own world. Since you’re content with what you have in your life and the place you’re currently at, you’re able to reach out to other people and invest in their lives. You keep encouraging others to grow, and you’ll grow yourself. That way you’re content, but still moving towards where you need to be in your life. We as humans don’t tend to stay still.

To be complacent is different. Being complacent means that you’re not satisfied with where you are, but you’ll settle for it. One who is complacent no longer seeks out growth. They think they have stopped short of their destination and don’t care to try and keep moving. They do their lackluster work with the least amount of effort possible, and simply hope to continue in this way to make it through the day. They don’t try to grow, they hate being pushed out of their comfort zone and avoid situations that make them do so. This is extremely dangerous. They forget the things they’re meant for and simply decide to settle for the life they currently have. They lose sight of their potential and the importance of those around them. They stop influencing people or helping them to grow. They become stagnant in everything they do. There’s nothing quite as disgusting as stagnant water. Stagnant humans are just as disgusting. That may seem harsh and like a bold statement, but it’s true. I can certainly understand a break, or a rest, or a vacation; believe me, I love those. However, when you’re stagnant even in those, which you can be, it becomes dangerous and unhealthy. We’re meant to be involved in each other’s lives, not to get loaded and seclude ourselves on our mental island of selfishness. Trust me, this is coming from an introvert. Keep growing. Keep changing, keep reaching out to people and pushing yourself and others. It’s so much better than being complacent.

Keep growing,

Josiah Serravalle.

Full of Changes (And Surprises)

First of all, my oh my has it been a long time since I’ve written anything in my own free time. A whole lifetime seems to have gone by, and I feel as if I’ve already become an entirely different person and lived the life of a stranger until now. Senior year has a weird way of forcing us into hurrying into adulthood and change. As it has been so long since I’ve written down some of my thoughts, it seems sensible to write about change, as that’s been the prominent theme of my life these past couple of months, and I would say was the theme of 2014 for me. Oh, happy New Year by the way!

Anyways, along with that, I’ve been mulling over this concept known as change for a while. Change is hard to define. For how do you define change without using the word change? The process of things being different? Close enough, apparently the literal definition would be, “the act or instance of making or becoming different.” An interesting notion for sure, one we’re all well acquainted with. However, we all treat change a little bit differently. Some fear change, others embrace it. Few might chase it, while still others run from it. People abhor it, people love and desire it. There are even those who appear to be indifferent towards it. By no means am I able to link the cause for such reactions to anything in particular, I’m no genius. However, it seems logical to assume that the basis for these reactions lies within a person’s temperament and personality, which is also effected by the environment in numerous ways. (Yeah. I took Psychology the beginning of this school year. Hence the simple psychological analysis.) Someone who’s incredibly stubborn is naturally going to hate change, as it is in stubbornness’ definition to be persistent in their position. Meanwhile, someone who is spontaneous seeks out change intensely, even to the point where it can become obsessive. I make this point to emphasize that there are tons and tons of different personalities and people that react to change differently, but usually not in those extremes.

In my case, I’m one who loves change, but I don’t necessarily go and seek it out. If I find a steady pattern or uniform in my day that is satisfactory, I’m more than likely to keep it that way until I’m required to change it. Though, when I am required to change a consistency of mine, I do so with open arms, often times because I realize that I needed the change. As I’ve said before in Supplemental Mentality, I can go a bit crazy if I don’t have some sort of spontaneous event occurring every now and again in my life. I’m exceedingly poor at making plans, and just as bad at sticking with plans I’ve made. So naturally, my life is full of spontaneous change at a moments notice. In a way, I see that life is simply full of change, and it’s unavoidable. Things simply happen, and often times when they do, there’s nothing you can do about it. Plans won’t always work out perfectly. That’s simply a part of life. It’s those larger aspects of our lives that we cling to for stability and comfort. We seek our friends to maintain their consistency and some might not seek out new friends, or seek to increase their relations with their friends, since that would mean a change, either for better or for worse. Others on the other hand, constantly seek new friends, and wish to improve and be closer to the friends they currently have. They’re willing to have change in their life in that aspect of it. I feel as though there are so many different categories of change in our lives, though I suppose they fall into two different main categories. Exterior change, and interior change.

Exterior change is some of those aspects I just described, plans being ruined, sudden events, and fluctuations in relations with people. I feel as though I could go on, but I’ve talked plenty about such matters.

Interior change however, is often a result of the exterior changes in life. For example, in drastic circumstances, someone’s mother gets in a car crash and is fatally wounded. Several days later she dies while this person watches her in the hospital. It’s only natural for this to change the person. Something so sudden and intense is bound to change the attitude, thoughts, and outlook on life of such an individual. A sort of bitterness grows, for the world, for God, for people, anything that can be blamed for such an unfortunate event. If that individual doesn’t let go of that bitterness, it will eat away at their heart and develop such a pessimistic view on life and others that might never have even been remotely there before. Again, such a circumstance isn’t guaranteed to change people for the worse. Humanity is strangely unpredictable.

Though I’ve not had any experience at all like that example, I’m currently in the second semester of my senior year of high school. I became a legal adult last semester, and am finding myself filling my schedule to the absolute maximum, even more so than usual. (I’ve also talked about this before, I’m weird.) For one of the first times in my life, I don’t want things to change. I find myself wishing that I could have another year in high school. Wishing that I could go back and stay a kid forever. If only I could stop aging from now on. As I get closer to graduation, I become more and more reluctant to get that diploma and gown. It means I’m going to have to accept responsibility for everything I do. Things will no longer be easy. My life is going to change more than it ever has before after that moment. For myself, I find it especially frightening, considering I might be the first in my family to actually leave the house for college. I have a chance of going to a University outside of my city, like I’ve always wanted. But all of a sudden, I’m not sure it’s what I want. I can only guess as to whether I’m truly ready for that change.

Anyone familiar with me knows that I’m extremely into music of all kinds, and listen to it continually. As I was contemplating this idea of graduation and life, I decided to listen to some music I used to listen to quite often. One of these artists was John Mayer, who I haven’t listened to in quite a while. As I played through his Continuum album, I came across Stop This Train. I can’t even begin to describe how perfectly this sums up my feelings about senior year. I encourage you to go listen to it, it’s a fantastic song. To give you an idea of the theme of the song, here’s a snippet from it.

“Don’t know how else to say it
I don’t want to see my parents go
One generation’s length away
From fighting life out on my own
Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can’t take the speed it’s moving in
I know I can’t
But honestly, won’t someone stop this train?
So scared of getting older
I’m only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun”

Life is moving so quickly. I feel as though I might be overcome by it at any moment. I often have a strange sense of being simply overwhelmed by the changes that have occurred in my life, changes I can’t even begin to count. The experiences I’ve had these past years have been plentiful and my life has abounded with adventure.

As I think about all this, it lifts my spirits to think of the many, many adventures left in my life to be had. As they say, one may grow old, but that doesn’t mean one has to grow up. I’ll definitely continue to make the most of every second of my life, even if it looks completely different later in my life than it does now. As long as I continue to seek making a difference in people’s lives, I know I’ll find a way to make life long and full of, well, life.

P.S. OH. Also. I got a haircut as a symbol of the changes that have occurred in my life. Here’s a picture of it! In case you were strangely curious. It’s especially important to me considering I’ve had the same style of hair my whole life until now. Might have also dyed it slightly red, but I don’t really have a good picture of that. Anywho.

Shameless selfie.

Man. My face is a strange one.

Growing older,
Josiah Serravalle.

A Fear of Loss.

First of all, I’d like to preface this post with the fact that I got a job. Throw the confetti, bring out the cake, I actually managed to get a job, I know. Naturally, getting the job has made me think a lot about growing up and the future, so I thought I’d those thoughts with you all.

I think there’s a part of us that naturally contradicts itself. It’s this idea of growing up. Even when I think of the word I’m torn inside. I hate it, but love it. I want it, but I delay it. This is a delicate topic for me, and as I explain myself, I realize I’m going to have to be a bit vulnerable with you all. See, when I think of growing up, it involves a lot of things. Intricate details aside, this includes a job, a car, responsibilities, education, and a whole lot of choices and decisions that are exceedingly and increasingly important. Now. I’m decently okay with this idea of growing up in age and accepting responsibilities, and even though I have a real hard time with choices, I understand that it’s necessary and important. I also get that all this needs to be approached with wisdom, understanding, and maturity. Life isn’t a joke. However, when you talk about growing up in a more personality way, I sort of have this hard time agreeing and finding myself wanting anything to do with it. This idea of maturity I understand does not mean that you become some person you never were, nor that you can’t enjoy life anymore, and that with growing up means maturity. However, I find myself being sort of pushed into this mentality of “Oh, you’re not a kid anymore, stop acting so random and energetic and joyful. That’s simply unacceptable. You need to fit in. Be like everyone else. Be normal.” And that simply is something I refuse to fall into.

Along with that, I struggle a lot with the fact of leaving. When I talk about my future and when I think about it, I really don’t feel like I’m called to stay in my hometown my whole life, or to pursue my career here, but at the same time, every part of me doesn’t want to leave the incredible people I’ve met here who have become my family. Something that I struggle with and have been scarred by is the idea of losing people I care about. It’s therefore become a sort of fear of mine I guess you could say. The thought of leaving, and essentially starting my life completely over by doing so, honestly frightens me. I feel like doing so means I’m going to lose the family I’ve built in the city here. I know that even though they won’t be around, I’m not going to lose them, but there’s more to it than that. It means they won’t be involved in my life since I won’t be with them. Something I realized that’s the worst part about leaving to live somewhere else is the fact that the people from your original living area won’t be able to be involved in your life. Your ups and downs, daily struggles and successes won’t be rejoiced or comforted by those so far away. The future you build there can’t possibly be shared with those people anymore unless you return or they join you. Those late nights where you just hang out, goof off, and act like general goons create such incredible memories that I never want to give up. Experiences I’ve had and continue to have with these people have made my life a joy, and helped me get through some really difficult times in my life. Distance is such a pain, and a destroyer of relationships more often than not. Something I value probably the most in any kind of relationship is the idea of sharing life together. Both parties needs to be able to go through life with the other, like a family does. No matter what. I don’t want to know that if I wake up one morning with a heavy heart, and a craving for a chaotic adventure, that I’ll have to do it alone. The goons I’ve grown with in this city won’t be there with me anymore. Even that though, there’s more to distance than that.

Recently in life, I’ve realized that losing someone doesn’t really necessarily mean cutting yourself off from them, or being separated. There’s something that’s specifically mentally about it. If you think that you’ve lost them, even if they’re around you plenty, then it’s almost just as if they left and moved. There isn’t a physical distance, but there’s a disconnect in your attitudes and conversation. You act differently and sort of close yourself off. You justify your actions, but it’s not really an excuse. It’s entirely your own fault for the way you act around them. There’s this sort of wall one of you puts up. And that creates a distant entirely of itself that can be just as devastating. As soon as that wall breaks down though, it’s as if you finally got to come back home after weeks of being gone. This also, though not as frightening, still terrifies me at times. I can’t imagine being shunned and distanced from those that I hold closest. Losing that person, losing their respect, their attention, their opinions, their words, their ideas, their trust, and just their overall friendship and relationship is devastating to me. If I lose someone in that sense, I’m just as shocked and traumatized as if I moved out of town.

Naturally, both of these things I’m having to confront as I “grow up.” The closer I get to graduating high school, the closer I am to moving and leaving practically everyone I know. The more I get into my job, and face responsibilities and the consequences of my actions, I’m left making choices that I don’t want to make. And as a result, I end up losing people I love through walls as well. Either by mistakes, by not thinking, or by them choosing to leave me, it all brings reality crashing down on me. And eventually, I will have to leave a lot of the people I love, and it’ll probably be the most traumatizing, terrifying experience of my life. But at the same time, it’ll lead to so many new incredible people and opportunities that I would never have been able to meet or experience. And so, I’m simultaneously ecstatic to “grow up,” and also terrified. Either way, I know that it’ll be an incredible experience that will definitely change my life. So here’s to growing up, and to losing as few people as possible. I know that no matter what, the plan for my life will be something I could never imagine, and that it’ll all be wonderful in the end. I’m trusting in God that He’ll guide me through this stage of my life as I grow. And so I continue sharing life with those that I love the most while I still can. And no matter where I go or what happens, those memories will be with me forever. I’ll never forget those that I love.

“Growing up”,

Josiah Serravalle.

The Spirit of Freedom

It’s been awhile. It feels good to be back though. I’ve just had a lot on my mind and a lot to do these past couples days, that’s why I haven’t been writing, but here we go. I’m back.

It’s funny now, being able to look at life and realize that it’s summer. There comes this sort of adventurous spirit that I feel with it. Possibly it’s just me, but when summer comes around, I take the time and freedom I have and just enjoy life with the people I love. It’s wonderful, and some of my favorite and best memories come from these times. But occasionally, there comes times when I sort of get this feeling of being trapped, and I get extremely restless. I begin to want to go places, but since I’m limited by transportation the only way I can go much of anywhere is with other people. And being an introvert, sometimes I really just don’t want to be with people either. I just feel like driving to an open field and laying down to think by myself. (When I get a car and my license, it’ll be so nice for me.) So that places me at a dilemma. I tend to deal with this by going for a walk and just walking wherever my legs take me, but sometimes even that only takes me so far, and it often feels a bit out of place. Usually it doesn’t get too bad, and I manage to get over my introvert-ness and hang out with some of the fantastic people in my life, but I’m finding especially this summer that if I don’t accomplish this, it affects me very poorly.

Being trapped in the same place, or doing the same thing for an entire week kills me on the inside. And so when I don’t get that freedom, I sort of dig down into myself deeper and deeper. I get very thoughtful and self centered. I have trouble paying attention, and I found out recently that I even become sort of a spaz. A sort of depression and loathing comes, where I don’t want to do anything, nor do I want to not do anything. I especially have no interest in being very productive, and being around people for too long sounds like cutting off my oxygen supply. I didn’t think it could really last for a long period of time before, but I find that when stacked with stress and pressure, it simply gets worse. I’m sort of writing this as I figure out how it all works together myself, so bare with me. I don’t entirely understand how it works, however, it’s enough to make me not myself. And it’s enough to literally give myself a fever simply from exhaustion and stress. I know some people that have slept less than I have the past days, and worked way harder than I have, so I really don’t have anything to complain about, and I understand that. I simply can’t help but express the importance of freedom and relaxation I require in my life to operate like I should. Perhaps you or someone you know can relate.

I was given this kind of spirit of freedom as I like to call it, where if I’m locked up too tight, I end up grouchy, short-tempered, lazy, self-centered and upset. That simply is not who I am normally. One of the best ways I found to recover from this is by taking it a step at a time.

First by actually sleeping, so that way I’m not exhausted physically. That’s a very important step, although difficult at times. Secondly, I tend to be in a introverted state, so anything with a large amount of people sounds like my own personal hell and therefore I avoid those situations. Instead, I’ll grab one or two people close to me that I feel extremely comfortable and open with, and get coffee or sit and talk to them for a bit. Even just listening to music with them somewhere more open like a coffee shop or a field or a large auditorium. Sometimes even a car will work, as long as it isn’t a very closed building like a house. Especially my house. Also, I can’t be doing any kind of work unless it’s only at the minor stage of the feeling. It especially helps if I plan it out the day of, making it something new and different sort of. A change in plans I guess. This helps with that feeling of being locked up and lost. Thirdly, I then just let my worries and unnecessary thoughts go. The things I’ve been keeping deep down and either just let them go mentally, or more often times by talking to these people about it. That will generally bring myself back. There’s something about planning a day differently with things that I enjoy the most, it’s an incredibly freeing thing for me. Of course, it doesn’t always work, and if it’s something deep set that I need to let go, the only way I can manage to be free from that is through prayer and by giving it over to Jesus. Then I can be myself once again. He releases the door to my cage once more so I can be free.

Sometimes I kind of just wonder why I was given this sort of spirit of freedom, since it definitely seems more of an annoyance than a benefit. But it’s who I am, and it does have some perks to it. It means that I’m really easily pleased, and I can have to time of my life simply by sitting in a coffee shop with my best friend, or walking through a forest. I enjoy the small things in life, and even though it means I most definitely won’t find myself at an office job or working at some intensive business, it does mean that no matter where I end up, I can easily find ways to relax and take life in. Every person has so many different little things to them. It’s incredible and astounds me whenever I think about it. I’m most definitely not an extrovert who loves parties and huge social gatherings, instead I’d rather be with two people who I’m comfortable and close to. But there are people who would just die to only be with themselves or just one or two people at a time, and have the time of their life with tons of people. We’re all so very different and yet so similar. For me, that’s just how I am, a personal yet close person. And despite it’s downsides, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

In keeping with the tradition of putting some sort of quote, phrase, or work of mine in almost every one of these posts, here’s a snippet of a song I wrote about this Spirit of Freedom.

I want to, be, as free, as the horses that run through the plains.

I want to, feel, the wind beneath my wings, and I, fly a,way.

At times I feel like running away, because the things that I find hope in, others find as strange.

Anyways, I hope you all can relax some this summer and enjoy life. Relax, seek Jesus, and love on some people.

Freely,

Josiah Serravalle.